You refuse to flush the toilet if anyone is napping, close to napping, or considering napping.
You only shower if you’ve gone more than 36 hours without one, AND you’ve recently perspired, AND there’s someone besides your kid to notice.
You are so tired by 9pm that you’re ready to cut anybody who flippantly suggests you “stay up.”
You’re on the floor at least forty-seven percent of the time.
You rotate between stretchy jeans, yoga pants, sweats, and insanity.
You find yourself watching Sesame Street videos like this one ON YOUR OWN TIME AFTER YOUR LITTLE ONE IS ASLEEP.
You point to people’s noses excitedly.
You heart belly buttons.
Your entire sense of self-worth revolves around whether or not your kid can say “bath.”
You’ve thought about tweeting the car seat company to tell them that that THEIR STRAPS SUCK, but then you’ve promptly forgotten.
You’re fanatical about washing hands, sleep schedules, and encouraging your child to “find himself.”
You have a new appreciation for barnyard animals. You have unresolved issues with barnyard animals.
You just googled “can you potty train a one-year-old?” and “biting.”
You also just incognito-mode googled “post-pregnancy tummy”, “why did my boobs shrink so much,” “libido” and “France.”
You were so hungry you ate the stray cheddar bunnies off the seat of your car.
Right now, your child is screaming.
Happy Friday, everyone! Thanks for visiting Mommyproof — if you recognized your life in this post, “like” Mommyproof’s FB page so I’ll know I’m not the only unshowered, hand-washing fanatic out there. And leave a comment below with your own “YKYHATW.” (Remember that snappy acronym).